Clik here to view.
SEE JANE RUN (2007) ONE TOP HAT
Since taking up this hobby, I discovered that it can be pretty easy (and fun) to shamelessly pan a movie for being stupid and sucky and not worth a shit and wonder if they even tried – did these...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE LEGEND OF SORROW CREEK (2007) ONE TOP HAT
I always find it fun to dog a piece of shit movie for being a piece of shit, especially when it is very evident that the film makers didn’t give a piece of shit for what they were putting out. I don’t...
View ArticleClik here to view.
DIMPLES (2008) ONE TOP HAT
Like I’ve said before, I appreciate it when a movie gets made and distributed and I wish everyone well and good fortunes and keep up the good work and all of that, but I have my opinions one way or...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE SINFUL DWARF (1973) ONE TOP HAT
O M G This movie was awful. For reals. No lies. I thought I was ordering a Giallo when I beeredly queued this up and then when I got it I noticed it was some sort of Danish film (those crazy Danes)...
View ArticleClik here to view.
RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (4) NECROPOLIS (2005) ONE TOP HAT
In my quest to complete the entire Return of the Living Dead movies, I came face to face with an Evil Serpent coiled up in the weeds, hissing at me: this movie. How do I put this? Hmmm…. Hmmmmm….....
View ArticleClik here to view.
DON’T LET HIM IN (2011) ONE TOP HAT
Here’s Part 2 of the big Double Feature today. I would feel terrible if I let anyone get sucked into this shithole for weekend movie night… I was a manager with direct reports for about ten years in...
View ArticleClik here to view.
HELL RIDE (2008) ONE TOP HAT
Sometimes I feel bad when I come across a movie I find pretty shitty – sometimes - because I feel like “they tried” to make something good but it didn’t work out for us, but then I run across...
View ArticleClik here to view.
RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD (5): RAVE TO THE GRAVE (2005) ONE SHITTY TOP HAT
Just when you thought it couldn’t ever get any worse for the series that started off with one of my favorite movies ever, here comes the poor, sad, terrible, mother fucker that is this horrible,...
View ArticleClik here to view.
CLOSETS (2010) ONE MIDDLE FINGER
I first heard about this “movie” over at my friend Cinema Schminema’s “FIRST FIVE” feature… It’s so funny because she couldn’t finish it and a couple of months later I was in the grocery store,...
View ArticleClik here to view.
LET’S SNEAK IN TO THE DRIVE – IN # 11: METAMORPHOSIS (1990) ONE TERRIBLE...
In 1990 I graduated from high school, moved out from my mom’s house, grew my stringy hair out real long, moved in with my two buddies and bought one of these coats. I really did. I was so awesome....
View ArticleClik here to view.
AMBER ALERT (2012) ONE TOP HAT
My friend likes to call this a public service, this thing I do out here, especially when it comes to things I see that end up on the MOST UNCLEAN page. Money’s tough to come by these days and it’s...
View ArticleClik here to view.
ANNA’S EVE (2004) ONE BITTER, BITTER TOP HAT
What the fuck. I’ve been putting this movie off for so long because of that crappy poster and then I thought, well maybe it’s good like ABSENTIA was when it came with shitty cover art. I shouldn’t...
View ArticleClik here to view.
ISAACS EXCREMENT: MY TEN WORST MOVIES OF 2012
For last year’s entries, please check them out HERE. Well – it’s that time of year again and everyone’s making Best Of and Worst Of lists and I want to chime in again, so here’s the list of my least...
View ArticleClik here to view.
CAMP SLAUGHTER (2005) ONE TOP HAT
Let’s go out on a limb and say that the concept behind this is, to me, a good idea: there’s a summer camp out there where everyone gets brutally slaughtered one night and then repeats itself over and...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE THREE MINUTE REVIEW: THE LAST RESORT (2009) ONE MOUSTACHE
It’s been a long time since I’ve been SO UNINTERESTED in a movie that I felt like doing one of these. April 29th, 2012 to be exact… Anyway: In one word: TERRIBLE. In some more words: this was 100%...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE WRONG TURN PENTOLOGY
Howdy and welcome to another version of what I like to refer to as a “Population Sample” or – all of the movies of a franchise in one place. If you were eager to see some of the others I’ve done, to...
View ArticleClik here to view.
THE THREE MINUTE REVIEW: STASH (2007) ONE TOP HAT
I’ve been watching a lot of shit that Netflix has been shitting in my face recommending for me and normally I’ve been able to come out here and passive aggressively explain how I didn’t care for...
View ArticleClik here to view.
SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 4: LIVE ANIMALS (2008)
Entry by: yours truly Should you decide to challenge yourself and view the heinousness that is LIVE ANIMALS, this is what you will subject yourself to: Bitterly poor acting that may even hurt your...
View ArticleClik here to view.
SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 5: FIVE ACROSS THE EYES (2006)
Entry by: yours truly From the start, this movie was pretty irritating, then it got VERY irritating, then it kind of got decent and I was thinking that this could be a good movie if it was remade and...
View ArticleClik here to view.
SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 22: SUGAR BOXX (2009)
Entry by: YOURS TRULY Emulating the “Women in Prison” exploitation from the 70′s, these guys have brought us Sugar Boxx – a movie about hookers hooking it up, getting thrown in jail, being abused,...
View Article
